Don't Trip, It's Just a Tip

Why do we get so insanely angry when someone doesn’t tip, or doesn’t tip enough, or tips only 15% when they usually leave 20%? Every bartender knows that eventually it all comes out in the wash.

But there are times when the low tip or the no tip is so infuriating, so insulting, so rage inducing, that it’s hard to contain one’s self. The biggest response I’ve ever really mustered was a healthy dose of passive agressiveness. “Thank you SO much for your generousity. I REALLY appreciate it.” But I’ve witnessed much stronger reactions. Let me share my favorite.

My friend, who shall be referred to as Sara, is in some ways my idol. One Saturday night a four-top consumed a large amount of steak, lobster, wine, and chocolate cake. They got their check, put the two $100 bills inside, and walked out. The only problem was that this left .83 cents for their waitress. And Sara had had enough. Were these people too tipsy to think straight? Probably. Was it an innocent mistake? Most likely. But it didn’t matter.

Sara brought the money to the bar and got change from me, down to the penny. She calmly put the bills into her black check book and scooped the change up in her hand. Then she thrust open the door and stormed out to the parking lot. The four customers were standing by their cars when Sara found them. She raised her fist high in the air. Then, she screamed. “You forgot your f*****g change you f*****g pieces of white trash! Go f**k yourselves!”And  she hurled the dimes, nickels and pennies across the parking lot and at their feet.

Their reaction? She never knew. She simply turned around and marched right back into the restaurant, quickly making the rounds in her section to be sure everyone was happy. I’m not going to judge what she did as right or wrong. But remembering her story is often all the satisfaction I need.

Thirsty Thursday: New Drink

  On Tuesday my mom spent the majority of the day in the kitchen making a fabulous Moroccan meal. Several friends were invited for dinner and we decided that the night should kick off with an original cocktail. Inspired by the mint my mom was picking from her organic herb garden and by the amount of rum in the cupboard, a twist on the traditional mojito seemed appropriate. What transpired was a light, zingy cocktail and an empty bottle of rum.



  


Moroccan Mojito
2 oz light rum
1/2 oz mint / simple syrup combo
1/2 oz triple sec
1/2 teaspoon ginger juice
Squeeze of lime wedge
Squeeze of lemon wedge
1 oz tonic water


Wash a package of mint leaves in cold water. Pull leaves from the stem and chop or tear into little bits. Put them into a measuring cup and add a 1/2 cup of sugar. Fill the measuring cup with just enough water to cover the mint and sugar. With a wooden spoon or pestle, mash the mint leaves, sugar and water together until the mint leaves begin to break into little pieces. Set aside and let sit for as long as possible.

Skin the ginger root and grate it into a bowl that will catch the juices. Collect the grated ginger and juices and put them into a tea strainer or something similar, with a small container beneath to catch the drippings. With your finger or a spoon, press the ginger down to force out the juice. Use the same strainer when pouring the mint 'syrup' into the glasses unless you want bigger chunks of mint inside the drink. Serve with ice and if desired, a sugared rim.

Wordless Wednesday

Festive Friday

The Prize! (Christmas Tree not Included)

Calling all bartenders and libation innovators to join in our first annual New Years Eve Cocktail Contest. Submit your original recipe by December 30th, along with your original drink name, and we will whip it up, drink it down, and rank it with the rest! Winner will receive a package of fabulous Fred Wine Lines for your guests to use on their wine glass stems during your next party.

Robbery in Chains

I’m not too highbrow to admit that I enjoy dinner at chain restaurants every now and then. Sometimes a girl just needs that giant plate of fried [your favorite vegetable here], accompanied by a giant [ your favorite cocktail here]. But I swear to God- if one more PF Changs or Cheesecake Factory waters down another drink, I’m calling New York Times Food . Or the police. Or the manager. Or whoever can expose the fact that my cocktail is way too close to a mocktail, and explain why a considerable amount of a free tasteless substance has poured itself into my drink.

A martini tastes one way: strong. There’s one ingredient: Vodka (old-schoolers- forgive my omission of Vermouth- but it’s history). And no matter how many hundreds one has consumed, the initial sip will never fail to stir up internal conversations as it passes from the lips to the mouth to the throat and to the belly. So when a restaurant tries to cut corners and stretch the dollar by adding water to the liquor, it gets noticed.

I’m sure these corporations will condescendingly explain that, “Sometimes ice melts in the shaker if the drink is left on the service bar too long, causing a slight diffusion of the ingredients.” Or, “Some bartenders will thoroughly shake the drink to ensure an optimum chill factor, causing excessive ice particles to infiltrate the beverage and eventually melt.” I don’t buy it. To justify the amount of water in my drinks at these places, the shaker would have had to be left in the kitchen under a heat lamp, and any extensive shaking would have caused bartender bodily harm.

Please tell me I’m not the only one who has noticed this crime. Yes, it’s a crime! False advertisement sounds softer but it’s the same thing. When a person orders a Cosmo, she assumes she’s getting vodka, triple sec, cranberry and lime juice. Not a splash or a dab or an ounce of water. That’s robbery. If you must add water, make note of your “creativity” in your drink menu and charge me six bucks instead of eleven. Otherwise it’s just insulting to those of us who take our libations seriously. Not to mention it’s prohibiting your bartender from making a better tip on additional drinks.

Chain restaurants- I’ll continue testing out your drinks to see if things change. But be advised: This Girl is onto you!

Wordless Wednesday

Toasting 1st Blog Post

When I sought out to become a bartender 12 years ago, I didn't really know where to start. The bartenders at the restaurant I worked at didn't remember how they got their first gig and there wasn't a single book in the library or bookstore to help me. Eventually I broke into the business but never forgot about the idea of writing a book for bartending beginners. Once I had a few years under my belt, I started to write away, and This Girl Walks Into a Bar was born! Designed by my sister, graphic designer and owner of Petit Bureau Design Studio, the book has become the anchor of our new website and online store. We hope you enjoy this new site, check back often, and even participate as a guest bartending blogger. Cheers!